Firefox

Now that I have some time to bugger around finally, I have been mucking around with the add-ons of firefox. Seem pretty awesome, although I dont know how to use some of them. Some of them are straight forward. Here is a pic
- posted by Soma @ 12:37 AM (2) comments

 
So........stuff
Well it has been quite the last two months. I sat the GREs, I had my mother over and guided her around the great lands of Japan, I say a particularly difficult Japanese examination, which I think I should just pass, and grew into the role of being a father and primary breadwinner for the family. I will now be working nights, because, you know that family thing I have now.

But for all that I have achieved this year, it all go ass up anytime soon. Ive gotten married to a fantastic beautiful woman, become a father to a fantastically awesome and healthy child, kicked the ass out of the GREs, well, Math and I battled to a draw but I got up into the dizzying levels of percentiles, completed a whole range of applications for various high quality Universities ,improved my Japanese substantially, not just on paper, guided and translated around Japan with just my mum, and after she left, spent three weeks studying like a maniac to pass an important exam (considered to be "business Japanese"), which could be important to my future if I were to stay and pursue a career in Japan.

Problem is, if the US Uni thing falls flat, which it shouldn't, but it might, because, mainly I have no idea what one of my previous lecturers is doing in terms of recommendations, which is a whole convoluted story but given how much work I put in and money paid, Id be rather, perturbed if I failed due to this. (Find out in March)

Secondly, since I spent so much time on the GREs and applications I had little time to study for this test (being able to speak a language decently and pass a test, especially a Japanese test, are completely two different things, especially when those squiggly line things are involved, or what the Japanese like to call, their written language. After checking a few things I am really on the brink of passing it by a small margin. Good effort but damn it, if things really go against me....... (Find out in February)

So here is how my priorities are arranged.

1) Californian University

2) Decent, career orientated job in Japan

3) Return to NZ, sell my soul to the government, probably. Possibility of using the collective bilingualism of our marriage, and exploiting the relative gullibility of Japanese people to do evil in business.

4) Australia. Job or settle for a good NE Asian regional studies program.

5) Aid China in their conquest of the world, because if their really is nowhere in the world for a somewhat capable person to make a living, then, well, everything really has gone to crap. Merit-based achievement my ass. Japan, btw, is the ultimate old boys network.

I wish I could write something more interesting or witty. Or even simply weird. Ive been very focussed lately and really have not done much other than worry about career and future, and gawking at my kid while he sits around doing not much other than being a baby. Really, as someone once said, nothing quite focuses the mind like being hung at dawn, and, really, aside from the asinine crap that goes on at my school, my life, as satisfying (especially if all works out well) as it is, would be of little interest to anyone else. I need to sort out this life thing, ASAP. To be sure, I have plenty of rants, but I'm guessing they would not be of any interest to you, being as disconnected as I am now, as they range from why Japanese people are always screwing up their use of infinitives and gerunds to why my shoes have to be facing the doorway and not just merely arranged neatly. You really have to be here. I think I need at least a year back in, I dunno, some country. I like Japan, but the idea of spending months at a time in two different countries appeals to me a lot, and my searing and inescapable difference from mainstream Japanese society has just got really boring right now. I think if I went away for a year or so, I'd be back with a vengeance, with new vigor for things Japanese, particularly the language, which, I have probably hit a plateau for a bit, and really am only now learning different ways of how to bitch people out in natural Japanese. Its a goal to be sure, so I guess I shouldn't complain.

And most of all, the thing I have the least to complain about is this. Yes, the family.



One thing, one thing I am not looking forward to, and I promised myself I would never endure it, but life got in the way, and that is, spending a winter xmas. Japanese and a fair few Americans look at my in stunned horror when I tell them the idea of being surrounded by snow and cold on xmas is absolutely retarded and not in the slightest bit romantic to me. Give me the bbq, the sports and the beach any day of the week and especially xmas day. And Santa Claus here is basically Colonel Sanders, and Japanese people eat KFC and cake and if they are a young teenage couple, try and find somewhere to make out.

What I am looking forward to is spending a Japanese New Year, as this holiday is no where near as commercial or cynical or plain stupid as Xmas here. I am looking forward to waiting to midnight, bundling up in the gear and going down to a Shrine and drinking warm sweet nihonshu (sake). This should be fun, as it is at least, it does not involve Santa. I really hate Santa now, and Japan made me hate him. One more person asks me if Santa surfs to NZ I might threw him out the window without a single word. Or I might tell him that a really big fucking magical Kangaroo hops its way around Asia through Indonesia to Australia to NZ. Really, its just as plausible a 12 magical reindeer that can fly. Really, what harm could I possibly do?

On that note, since Ill be house bound for a while, I might even update more. Someone should skype me. That would be awesome. Seriously.
- posted by Soma @ 11:17 PM (0) comments

 
A suggestion
So here is my suggestion. You bastards should go and get yourself skype. Then when baby is born, you can, see the baby. This particularly applies to types like Claire, who is also in "Another Country" and wouldnt it rock to be able to talk throught the internets. Also being in American lands you probably have broadband and not gay dial up or some half assed broadband. Ive been listening to the skype hype thing for a while, but what really convinced was the fact that, if you buy a USB phone, and connect using a digital camera (but a good USB 2.0 webcam will suffice) you can can get crystal pictures with a better than phone to phone connection.......for free! Because, its all digital and its all fabulous! And skype itself is free. And you can see my baby, which is any day now..........!!!!!!!! Actually if it wasnt for baby I would just suggest the USB phone, because, really, video conferencing still creeps me out a little......

Also another suggestion. For those of you who live in the technologically impoverished NZ, at least in terms of cellular phones and internetness, send me your phone numbers, with area code. I can ring you and talk to you for an hour for barely a dollar at home. Do it!!!! I believe some of you may be flatting together so that would make it even easier.

thanks for listening
- posted by Soma @ 10:38 PM (6) comments

 
Scrambled Brains
The Countdown is on. Today, it became the 5th of September. This means that within a week it is certainly likely that I will be a Father and be in lawful possession of a Son. The feeling is hard to communicate, but given that I am capitalizing non-proper nouns, you should probably realise that it is a most serious thing. Before now, I was just taking care of one person, namely the lovely wife. She goes by Kaori in real life. Anyway, I knew she was pregnant, but "knew" doesnt always quite carry with it the sense of really "knowing". So I was a nice husband treating her well and doing what I was asked to do as "Morally Obliged SlaveMan" but sub-consciously I felt I was treating a sick patient and that was indeed my focus. The command prompt in my brain, triggered by teh instinct was the "Protect and Make Wife Well (PMWW.exe)" one. Now, with imminent arrival drawing near it seems I have really come to "know". I'm no longer running command prompts and actually thinking with all parts of my brain again, well, the scary parts anyway and yes, OH Holy crap, there will be a baby in the house in a week or so, and it will be mine. I still blame you good good good, oh so good NZ wine!!! Actually I dont blame you, I thank you. Now lets make up. You cool NZ wine? I aint seen you around for a while baby.......you sure are nice......oh yeah, yes you are...........c'mon, just a little taste......Okay, I'm going to stop before insanity totally completes its conquest of my mind but let it be said its advisable someone send me some NZ wine. Actually im sure it will be fine, a week of thinking then I'll be running another instinctual command prompt, the "Protect Baby and Wife and Don't Be a Screw Up of a Father (PBWDBSUF.exe) one.

Anyway, basic point. Baby. Coming. Soon. Exciting. Tense. Burahburahburahburaburabulahburahbing.............(Excuse me for a minute)

To be sure, the baby seems to be in great health. The doctors proclaimed it to be incredibly active and this on the one hand bodes well for baby's health, but kind of strikes the fear of god into me because I also was like that and I was an ASSHOLE of a child. My wife is prone to bouts of pyscho as well, but they are usually my fault. Probably. Actually her parents fault. Ive just moved into her parents house and its quite cool. Nice little family thing going on, aint been like that since.......well my family is kinda not normal, so since never. Anyway, Kaori on the otherhand finds her parents detestable, at least in the sense that she likes them as individuals, but hates the fact that they are married, particularly, married together. I think she wants to get the hell out of here as quick as possible. Luckily, I am loved by them, even the father, because basically, we share a love of drinking, history and politics, making fun of ridiculous Japanese teenagers, sharing the same gender (he is married had all girls and the wifes family is all girls too and the grandma lived much longer than the father so he hasn't had much male interaction in, oh 30 years, which must be tough for a mysognyst) . The mother loves me because, needless to say for millions of obvious reasons but, above all, and Im quoting word for translated word here: "I saved her from not only becoming a cackling old spinster but also an early death due to liver failure". Actually, me getting her pregnant only saved her liver temporarily, since we both love to drink, we'll be back on the wagon soon enough(sic). The first part is actually true, or so I tell her when I am in the mood for being physically abused. I'm kinda M, she is S. It's a Japanese thing. Please don't ask.

Right, bed. It could be tomorrow, who knows.

Countdown sequence initiated.
- posted by Soma @ 10:35 PM (7) comments

 
My new baby
Well dont I just have a fantastic wee little phone...I can blog directly to the net...and I mean directly in 2 ways

* None of this lame SMS or fake cellphone specific loadable website crap but the real deal internet frames and pics and videos and all...(though vids cost some yen so I turn them off)

*I am directly writing thig blog in my own writing...damn thing has ever corrected sone nasty retarded writing habits I obviously picked up at primary school that no one bothered to fix...This feature not only rocks out in english but about 20times more in Japanese given the ideographic nature of the language (AKA drawing pictures instead of words you unreasonably complicated bastards...) It’s like I’m writing literally ON (as in on top of) the internet!

Aside from the fact I can video conference,receive and send any MSOffice attachments,pdf etc etc, play video,play music and ringtones in Mp3 format...I can take pics in near digital quality from both behind and back (it has front and back cameras you see) put it on a self timer,get in the pic and at the end of it all load it all on to my transflash Micro SD adaptable 1GB card...hell I can even create my own handwriting symbols so if I wanted a handwritten penis to represent the shorthand for the name of one David Searle I could indeed do that...and I just might do just that...a picture of a (weak) ass to represent Nic? How about Tim and Ben? I’m open for suggestions?? Now,This is why I came to Japan...for all things nifty and cool (in which to bait and offend those I cherish...ex.I could have just now taken a sound clip of my wife snoring and turned it into her ringtone in just a few seconds, needless to say my love of life prevented me from doing this...I’ll save that for one of my American friends.) Now you may ask why I currently am blogging from my phone at home when I could just do it from my PC connected to the internet and while I could rightfully answer just to show that I could blog from the toilet of a train if I wanted to the real answer is that Japan is both retardly sophisticated and sophisticatedly retarded at the same time...previous guy left taking Wireless apartmental connection with...no problem...get an even better and more stable LAN connection. No apparently it takes a month or more for the guy just to come around and switch the switch and plug the plugs of the pre-built superjuicy and sweet broadband box for the apartments I can see RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS RIGHT NOW!!
Anyway real baby comes in a month..........plus some more...........yeap. Ready or not eh! Actually could’nt be happier and I think we’ve settled on a name for the young lad...Very exciting!! I Get to give a name to a human being!!26 years and a M.A but this took us months to decide! And it’s an amazing thing to do just in itself...let alone what sha’ll follow!
- posted by Soma @ 7:22 PM (3) comments

 
Testing

- posted by Soma @ 12:20 PM (0) comments

 
Testing
My new phone
- posted by Soma @ 12:20 PM (1) comments

 
Testing
My new phone
- posted by Soma @ 12:20 PM (0) comments

 
Exoskeleton
Whats been happening lately. Well not a lot of much. Fully into the married life. Its pretty cool. I recommend it to everyone. Actually, as long as you are sure about the person your with, then the act of getting married isnt all that big a deal. And I get to wear a ring which has this power of attracting all sorts of frightening Japanese women, who then launch into some sort of inquisition about my life. Women are freakin' weird. Kaori is getting bigger, which its weird because when someone tells you they are pregnant then its all well and good, especially in our situation where while earlier than expected, its just what you want. However, seeing your wife get gradually bigger and bigger, looking very much unlike herself and you just sit there and think "jesus, I did that!". Everytime I have thought that I just feel like saying sorry to her! Baby is shit-kicking the crap out of her too......wakes up in the middle of the night suddenly with a sound that none-too-surprisingly sounds like the inverse of someone punching you right in the guts, if you could imagine that. Happened to her in the middle of an exam the other day..........

Oh, and the baby is probably a boy! Last time we looked on the ultra-sound we finally and probably saw some dangly ball action. A few months ago the doctor thought he saw a penis. This thing was the length of his body, and while he may well be a son of mine, that is just ridiculous. I mean, guys, you dont all have penises the length of your bodies do you.....do you???? Anyway, after logically inquiring as to whether or not that was actually his umbilical cord, the doctor conceded that this was indeed so.......we changed doctor a month later. Japan for all the amazing amount of technological coolness it does have (for example my new phone that I will get next week is more intelligent than Dave), it is extraordinarily backwards in some ways. Did I tell you the one about the doctor that was about to give someone's wife an injection that could have killed an unborn child because he believed that the woman must have appendicitis (for no reason other than she has a sore stomach), despite the woman being in her late 20s, sexually active and with her boyfriend, naseous and sick and not on the pill, and then only tested when the foreign boyfriend, who is not a doctor but knows what any normal person would know as to what correct medical procedure is asked that a pregnancy test be done. I didnt tell you because its not a joke. That would stupid and irresponsible, especially for in a 1st world nation, for such a situation to happen. It happened. To us. Anyway, we found a good hospital who people we actually know have actually given birth in, and its famous and its from the Meiji area of Japanese history, which is cool except with good technology. Except they dont have those 3D ultrasound machines, which is actually good, because you can totally see the outline of the kids face from those things. Kinda gross when its still inside.

Here is a Japanese plane. Japan is a nation that contains adults. Go figure.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/73/Ana.b747.pokemon.arp.750pix.jpg

This also existed in NZ up until 500 years ago. Maori would have met it. And it would have probably eaten them......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haast_eagle

On other matters, its weird to live in a country that is potentially under threat. Not realistically, but I can tell you that when some country fires missiles over the top of the country you live in, it kind of emotively shifts the focus of your thinking. While I can in a rational mood still agree that diplomacy maybe the better solution, there are times when I quietly wonder to myself "why the hell didnt they take out North Korea instead of Iraq, that Kim really is a fucking asshole.....really". My wife says openly she would turn the knife on him herself. Fair enough, he really is a pain in the regional geo-political ass. Even the Chinese are pissed right now. New Zealand really is a great (but really more than anything else very very very lucky) country, where we can be so decadently lovely and nice as we are............I miss our ignorance!
- posted by Soma @ 10:23 PM (2) comments

 
I Had a Fappy day
One of my students so wrote this in his English diary.....the Japanese occasionally get their Fs and Hs mixed up (amongst other things). That said, I liked the kids honesty......what else do 14 year old boys do.......the other 4000000 diary entries I had to mark almost all read: "I got up at 6am. I got to school at 745. I played Volleyball after school. I had a happy day". Like fuck. Your all in the 12 to 14 year old age group. I know you all have problems.....I see you lunatics in class......I speak to you freaks outside of class! I know things are going on......dont make me mark this trite rubbish. Given the level of grammar they have learned, is it that hard to, with an aid of a dictionary write: "I hate my father. He is an alcoholic" Or "My brother was looking at porno" (they know that word by the way) or something that doesnt depict some sort of idyllic country lifestyle full of freedom and joy. If it were true then fine. But I have been watching the news on TV recently and stuff is getting even weirder. I was actually hasten to say Japan is now less safer to live in that NZ now. I didnt think that when I got here.

Also, a kid wanted to shake my hand the other day. No big problem. Japanese boys are pretty touchy feely anyway. But then without notice, he bent down on one knee and turned it around kissed it. This kid is not one of the pretty boys either......scary.

That said, have been having more fun at school lately with my kids. Something seems to have clicked with my Japanese speaking ability recently which has finally made them see me less as one of their teachers, who I usually dislike as much as the kids because they are basically all robotic tards with a few very notable exceptions. I totally sent my kids into fits when I sat down to play a game of cards and uttered the Japanese equivalent of "You motherfuckers are going down". This gave me particular joy because most of them probably believe I still cant tie my own shoelaces. I quite enjoy how some of the students tell me things they would never dare tell the teachers, not only about how much they hate the other teachers, but all sorts of weird random stuff. If you knew how pathetically boring my average school day was, you would understand this stuff is gold for me.

And in response to this comment:

So like marriage was the end then?
# posted by Luther

Actually it was. I got the notices the next day. "The End" they read. Well in Japan i guess it would be 終わりだ！ Yeah, i am as surprised as much as you. Im not quite sure what the implications are yet but I'm sure Ill find out soon enough.
- posted by Soma @ 6:35 PM (2) comments